THE BIKE IS IN THE BUILDING. REPEAT: THE BIKE IS IN THE BUILDING.
My bike is here! It's a 2012 Mercier Elle City (bleep bleep bloop, I don't speak bike) and I got it online and it came "90% assembled."
I don't necessarily know what that means, other than I have to somehow get it home to a bike store so they can tune it for me. Easier said than done, with home being across a bridge. Or at least one subway ride away.
It was delivered to my office in TriBeCa because I don't have a doorman or any real thief prevention at home. So. Operation: Get Bike Home commences.
Approximate future render
There are several ways I could get it home. Because I'm almost literally Liz Lemon, I made a list of the different strategies to see which one involves the least crippling embarrassment.
Hard to hail/impossible
Have to force cabbie to drive me by threatening to call 311
Straightforward (go down 4 flights of stairs total, then wheel home)
Awkward looks from everyone else on the platforms, train and walk home
Potentially dangerous (no helmet or bridge navigation skills)
Could ruin bike
That's what a bike does
I think I netted out at subway. BONUS: My willing boyfriend agreed to accompany me after work. That negates the "heavy" aspect. And, as he says, "being an asshole is better in a pair."